To Blu

Last Sunday's My Favorite Line on Philippine Star caught my eye. It's from The Breakup Diaries by Maya Calica:

"At some point you will learn that no matter how hard you play by the rules, make all the right moves, and try to be the Ms. Perfect, you don't always get the results you hope for."

My cuz and I discussed how we prayed for the right man to come into our lives but we still got duds. I remember asking for signs that would make me realize that he's not the one, but I was blinded by love, there were signs yet I refused to see them. There was one time I prayed that if he and I were not meant to be then the Lord would find a way out for me from the relationship and that He would remove the love that I felt for him. The Lord did find a way out for me but removing the love I felt was hard. I still ended up accepting him inspite of all the things he did to me. Then when he lied to me again I was mad at the Lord for letting him back into my life. I blamed Him for introducing him to me in the first place.

Funny, when you're in that position, you refuse to see the truth. I knew then that by praying this way, I won't get the right answer. But I kept praying this way, still hoping my prayer would work. You know what's wrong with this prayer? By asking God to give you the "right man" or showing you "signs" or asking Him to do things for you, you are saying "God, I don't want to be responsible for my palpak choices so I leave everything up to You. If something goes wrong, hindi ko kasanalan ok?" We may not say thing verbatim but this is really what we want to happen: we don't want to be responsible for our actions.

Being Godly, or religious or prayerfull or spiritual doesn't make anyone of us better or won't spare us from making the wrong choices or getting hurt by other people. God has given all of us free will, so we would make our own decisions. We have the capacity to make the right choices, to do what's best for us. Of course we are allowed to make mistakes, we are only human. Yun lang, praying or being a good girl doesn't guarantee us a happy life. Specially if we think good things will happen to us by doing good deeds.

We have people around us who support us and give us a different perspective of things, but we don't want to listen to them because we think they don't want us to be happy. When someone gives us a valuable piece of advice, if it doesn't feel good or it doesn't fit the picture we see through our rose colored spectacles, we dismiss it as paninira or unimportant.
How many times have I tried to warn you na duda ako sa kanya? Hindi ba when your sister gave you a piece of advice nagalit ka and you said she doesnt understand you and she doesnt want you to be happy? Natangsit ka gamin. I told you not to get intouch with him anymore but you did. You called him up and what did he do to you? He hung up on you and he kept rejecting your call. I don't want to have to say to you "I told you so..."

You know why the same thing happened to both of us? To teach us a lesson, to open our eyes. Dasal tayo ng dasal pero hindi naman natin binubuksan mga mata natin sa katotohanan at wala naman tayong ginagawa to make things right. There were signs but we refused to accept them since these signs were telling us what we didn't want to know, they were telling us of impending doom that we couldn't accept, so we had to suffer. Sabi ni Lord, "Ayaw mo makinig? Puwes, magdusa ka!" Tough love works for us because we are stubborn. We learn things the hard way.

I hope may natutunan ka sa nangyari sa iyo. I know I sound like making sermon but I just want you to learn this now, I'm afraid he might show up and ask you back tapos tanggapin mo sya. Mahihirapan ka lang. Don't make the same mistakes I made. You might end up tough and bitter.



No Man is worth a womans tears. The only one whos worth her tears is the one who knows he could but would never, ever make her cry.