From Carmela

Sent by Carmela again. She's really busy these days.


1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"
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2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey´re yachts."
Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."
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3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor´s office.
Doc: "Bottlefed?"
Woman: "Brea - stfed po."
(Doctors squeezes woman´s breasts repeatedly)
Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"
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4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
"Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"
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5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: "Ma´am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"
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6. Yaya: "Huhuhu..."
Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?"
Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako..."
Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
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7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
(Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"
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8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
She answered: "Secret!"
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9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
"Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"
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10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"
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11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
Mom: "It´s up to you."
(During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, `kitsup tuyo´!"
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12. Our neighbor´s yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can..."
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14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
SIR: "Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
INDAY: "Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin...kapkeyk..."
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15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"
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16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"
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17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, `concentrate´..."
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18. Neighbor´s yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs:
"Down to earth! Down to earth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
"Ma´am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"
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20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya´s son.
So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun.

Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
"Parang Watson´s yata..."
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21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"
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22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"
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23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: "Yaya..."
Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!"
Kuya: "Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!"
Yaya: "Si Koya naman...nagsa-suggest lang..."
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24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"
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25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
"Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"
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26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"
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27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
"Ma´am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit...promise!"
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28. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."
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29. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"
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30. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
(ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

March 15 was Penis Day in Japan

My dear friend, Carmela, sent me the e-mail below. I saw a movie in the late 80's called Shocking Asia that featured this thing. Talk about phallic worship -- literally! Aliw!


How could we have missed it? March 15 was Penis Day in Japan . Here are the photos. The actual festival is called Honen Matsuri. Celebrated every March 15 in Komaki, a town about 45 minutes north of Nagoya , Japan , this is the time of year where folks haul out a large wooden penis to give three cheers to fertility and renewal. The custom is an old one that is connected to bringing about a good harvest and having babies.

BELATED HAPPY PENIS DAY TO ALL OF YOU

Men in Kilts

My friend sent me an e-mail about men in kilts. Do these men wear anything underneath?

See for yourself.

Funny Photos

A co-worker sent an e-mail with a couple of funny photos. I'm posting 2 that I think are the funniest.

Matatawa ka o maiinis?

How was your cereal this morning?

THE!! (duh)

My cousin Jo sent this to me. This originally came from Brian Anthony B. Enriquez.
This looks like a compilation of (in)famous lines.
Please read on.


THE!


Part 1


We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The!

Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.





PART 2



I thought Jay's ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a uninamous text. "Meet me at the clinic." I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi niya, "Penny for you talks." But I didn't know what to say.

Beggars can't be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay said, "Can't got your tongue?" I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?

Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole.

After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff's ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn't even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That's what I'm talking about it.

So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That's what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate.

When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, "I beg your cordon. I'm patient. It's my favorite virtue nga e." Nagduda yata yung isang guard.

Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, "Don't touch me not!" Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, "Come on, let's join us."

When I went inside, parang I've been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a bird's IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.

Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse's mouth. I barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.

Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.

Now, he's recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I know it's a better pill to swallow your pride so it's forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.

Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.

If God really exists...

Mec sexy sent this email. Long over due response.

If God really exists...
What would you want Him to say to you when you first arrive in heaven?

It's finally over. You may now rest.

A old definition of living at cause, of living at effect.

Got this from the Manifestation Masters yahoo group:

I found the following interesting. A old definition of living at cause, of living at effect.
"Those who can solve their problems are called wise; but nobody, however wise, can make another person wise. We cannot solve another person's problem for him. One thing, however, we can sometimes do to help another in his problem if he is seeking for help. We can reinterpret his problem for him and so give it back to him, looking different, presenting a new aspect, so that he may perhaps make more effective progress with solving it for himself."

- sandygodheart

Call Center Application

This was sent to me by my cuz Johanna. I think a friend of hers scanned this... Part of an application form or part of a test.
Attention sa mga call center applicants! This could be yours. Hehehe.

callcenter, originally uploaded by fionski.

Para sa mga Lalaki at Babae

Got this from Miss Abbie

PARA SA MGA TANGANG LALAKE AT MAGAGANDANG BABAE TULAD NATIN

Before, hinahabol kita pero di mo ako pinapansin. Tapos isang araw nawala ako, hinanap mo ako at tinanong, "Bakit ka nagsawa?" Ngumiti ako, "Hindi ako nagsawa. Natauhan lang." Pwede mo kong lokohin pero wag kang magpapahuli sakin. Pwede mo kong palitan pero siguraduhin mong mas mahal mo siya sakin. Pwede mo kong iwan pero siguraduhin mong kaya mo. Kasi pag ako sobrang nasaktan, wala ka nang babalikan.

Ang Boys? Pag trip ka, magpapakilala. Kaibigan kuno hanggang pumorma na. Tapos pag nahulog ka na, ayun, goodbye na dahil sawa na sila. Pero dapat walang iiyak at smile lang tayo. Punyeta, anong silbi ng karma?

I fell in love and got hurt but I didn't shed too much tears nor did I ask him to love me again. Instead, I stood up proudly and said, "Ganyan talaga ang magaganda! Hindi bagay sa tanga!" Simple lang para hindi ka masaktan. Kapag minahal ka, mahalin mo din. Kapag ginago ka, gaguhin mo rin. Pero kapag umiyak ka, tanga ka! Ginago ka na nga, iiyakan mo pa? Pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo, wag mo siyang sisihin! Kausapin mo siya ng harap-harapan at sabihin mong, "Ingat, tanga ka pa naman!" Masakit pag iniwan ka ng mahal mo. Pero wag kang magagalit ng husto. Kahit papano may pinagsamahan naman kayo, diba? Kaya for the last time yakapin mo siya at ibulong mo, "Gago, kukulamin kita!"
Girls, talo daw sayo sa mga boys? Papayag kayo? Sige, pag niligawan tayo, sagot agad. Pag iniwan tayo? Ok lang. Kapag sinabi nilang, "Uy, ex ko." Alam niyo sagot diyan? "Ay, ambisyoso."

If the one you love doesn't love you back, don't get depressed. Just think about it for a while, maybe cry a bit then wipe your tears and say, "Ang weird naman niya. Di siya pumapatol sa magaganda!" You only got one life so live it well., one heart so take good care, one soul so keep it pure. One boyfriend? What a waste! Make it two or more! Sayang ganda natin!

Pag sinabi sayo ng mahal mo na ayaw na niya sayo, hayaan mo lang. Wag kang iiyak at magpapakagago! Imbis na iyakan mo siya, ngitian mo lang at sabihin mo ang ganito, "So, pano? Bye na!Naghihintay na ang kapalit mo!" Who cares about break-ups? Oo nga, masakit. Makirot sa puso. Pero tandaan mo: a break-up isn't only an end to a relationship. It's also a beginning of a new one and an end to a living hell called "ex".

--
===================================

A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition!

Wisdom For The Ages?

BRAIN CRAMPS Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." Miss America 1995 from Alabama Heather Whitestone "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Popular Pop Singer Mariah Carey "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," (During an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.) Model, movie and TV actress Brooke Shields "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," University of Kentucky Basketball Forward Winston Bennett "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (Commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.) First Lady and Democratic Senator from New York Hillary Clinton "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," A congressional candidate in Texas "Half this game is ninety percent mental." Philadelphia Phillies' Manager Danny Ozark "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Vice President Al Gore "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." Vice President Al Gore "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." Vice President Dan Quayle "We've got to pause and ask ourselves, How much clean air do we need?" Chrysler Chairman and CEO Lee Iacocca "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." NFL Quarterback and Sports Analyst Joe Theisman "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." ROTC Instructor Colonel Gerald Wellman "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." President Bill Clinton "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." Keppel Enderbery "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." Greenville , South Carolina Department of Social Services "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." FCC Chairman Mark S. Fowler Feeling smarter yet?

Poison Letter

***TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER, CONGRATULATIONS!***---

the following is a letter found at a certain bar in manila & has been preserved in its ORIGINAL, UNEDITED form. enjoy reading & you may try direct translation in tagalog. please read w/ feelings.---

Oct. 1996

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later i'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore at first, Dennis say he could not stand your habit of making pakialam all his walks (lakad) and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that. And then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very, very, very fat body. But you hate it.Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Marie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because i'm never call you names iether in front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, i don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, and UGLYSHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a buding. You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because i am the more sexier that you when you look to us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like IKE LOZADA when she is a girl.

Love,
The Sexiest Girl of O.M.

P.S. you say that i'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go .

A Woman's Prayer

Prayer, originally uploaded by fionski.

For all the ladies in the house. I'm sure you will like this. Got this from Au.

A Woman's Prayer

For my single friends...

As I close my eyes and open my soul in prayer
To ask for the one who will bring me joy,
I ask that he will be strong enough to hold me when I am weak
And gentle enough to wipe the tears from my eyes.
Let my cheek fit perfectly in the crook of his neck
So when he embraces me we are two pieces of a puzzle complete.
Make his smile at the sound of my voice to make me believe
That I am the only woman on earth.
Make him handsome and winning, give him a sense of humor
So he can make me laugh when I feel like crying,
And give him the sensitivity to protect me
Even from the imaginary creatures that haunt me.
Make him unafraid to show the child inside of him.
When he enters a room, let him be graceful yet masculine.
Let him shine, even if only in my eyes.
Give him the intelligence to speak to my mind, my heart and my soul.
Let his words and his love enter my being like a food to a starving soul.
Give him a gentle touch, a strong voice and a loving embrace.
Let him love my mother and father as his own
And let them love him as their son.
Allow his shoulders to be wide enough to carry
The burdens of the wicked world, with a good heart and an understanding soul.
Give him a direction and ambition and give him the initiative
To freely seek that which he desires and needs in this life.
Let him accept me for who I am, and yet
Let him point out my mistakes while conceding that he is not perfect.
Make him considerate, even when others are not watching.
Make him my friend first, and a lover second.
But most of all, let him embrace my God, as I know how to embrace Him.
Make him unashamed to turn to Him in joyous moments and in sad.
Let us be reborn in Him a single soul encompassing two bodies,
And let us love Him in peaceful harmony.

A Rock Feels No Pain

by John Fischer

I was going through my old emails and I found this one, a daily devotional piece. Although this devotional was written in the "Christian" context, it makes practical sense in the romantic context. This is one of the things I sort of re-affirmed to myself when I took that 3 week hiatus.
Those who are afraid to love again, please read on.

The popular singing duo, Simon and Garfunkel, had a song early in their career that defiantly asserted individuality and an exaggerated aversion for relationships. In this song the singer talks about being a fortress unto himself, distaining love and laughter, and having no need for friendship. Hiding away in his room with his books and poetry to protect him, he isolates himself from all human relationships because he has identified those relationships as the cause of all his emotional pain. He is a rock and an island—alone to himself in the world.

The philosophy of the song hinges on the words: “If I never loved I never would have cried.” It’s all about protecting oneself from being hurt by removing oneself from what one perceives to be the source of the pain. I think we can all understand these feelings having been hurt by relationships and finding, even for a season, a certain consolation in being alone. But I think we also would agree that isolation is never the answer to this kind of pain. To love anyone is to be vulnerable and open to being hurt. Love and pain go together, and the only true answer to this dilemma is to welcome both.

Love costs. Think of what Christ paid when he embraced us. Think of the pain the Son of Man endured in loving a lost and wayward humanity.

Love is never without pain. When you sign on to a relationship you sign on to being hurt. Count on it. But who wants the other option?
C.S. Lewis once wrote about a place where one can be free from the “perturbations” of love. (Perturbation, by the way, is the state of being perturbed.) That place is one’s COFFIN. Can’t argue with that. Nothing can get through to you there. So Simon and Garfunkel and C.S. Lewis agree: There is a place you can be safe from the painful aspects of being in relationship with others, but who wants it?

What would make Christ go through what He went through for us? Love and all the rewards it brings in warmth, companionship, fellowship and joy.
Nothing brings more meaning to life than love. True love is what God is, and what we were made to know with Him and with each other. Because of what Christ accomplished on the cross, the pain of love will one day be gone. And even now, we can experience its victory.

So what will it be? The high cost and vulnerability of love, or the loneliness of isolation? A rock feels no pain, and an island never cries. But a son or a daughter knows a warm place in the family of God.
It’s important to know your options.


John Fischer is an author, speaker, and song writer based in Southern California. His latest book, Love Him in the Morning has been released by Revell Publishing

Kapag ang Palay Naging Bigas, May Bumayo" Sequels

In the tradition of "Kapag ang Palay Naging Bigas, May Bumayo", here
are some more *classic* Filipino movie titles:

1. Kapag ang halaman naging puno, may sumibak

2. Kapag ang tahong bumuka, may sumipsip

3. Kapag ang tulya nabasa, may dumila

4. Kapag ang manok tumilaok, may lumunok

5. Kapag ang mani nangamoy, may bumaboy

6. Kapag ang itlog pumutok, may pumitik

7. Kapag ang bibingka nagka-niyog, may kumayod

8. Kapag ang mani umiinit, may mapupunit

9. Kapag ang talong sumulong, may pumatong

10. Kapag ang pinya nagka-katas, may tumabas

11. Kapag ang papaya ang ibiniyaya, may liligaya

12. Kapag ang pasas tumigas, may humimas

13. Kapag ang ibon nagka-pugad, may alagad

14. Kapag ang tuba naging suka, may sumawsaw

15. Kapag ang damo nakalbo, may umararo

16. Kapag ang mani namaga, may nag-laga

17. Kapag ang tiyan nagka-bukol, may pumalakol

18. Kapag ang mata tumirik, may tumurok

19. Kapag si Inday umaray, may sumakay

20. Kapag ang ahas tumuka, may bubukaka

21. Kapag ang butas hindi madulas, may minamalas

22. Kapag ang monay nilamas, magugulo ang balbas

23. Kapag ang penoy inamoy, sasaya si Manoy

24. Kapag ang bibingka may itlog, espesyal (wala lang).

25. Kapag ang buhok magulo, B^LB*L!

This one's for you G!

An Ode

To appreciate the essence of this poem, read this out aloud...

Last Fog Sea In Die

Thing none knew see in die
Who bought who bad
The hill key none taught see in die
Last fog see in die.

Fog must done knew see who one
Thin knee tea gas sun
Cash sea see in die
Who bought who bad
Bull ball money peace.

In knee love bus knee who one
Dean act money in die
Key knee league see who one
The hill be not tea knee in die
Knee love as son see who one
Be thin see in die!

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

An orgmate sent this to me. This article made me laugh.

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors."

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds Al Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Send This Message To Someone To Make Them Smile...It's Called Therapy...

Why Men Aren't Married

An online buddy from Australia sent me this. I don't know if this is true, I hope everyone, especially the menfolk, would comment on this.

Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fiancee said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that alot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship.

But I am here to tell you - DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about that she said "Shyt, a girlfriend ain't nothing - girlfriends come and go. If the man is established and he isn't either marr ied or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game" I thought about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion: IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.

He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank. When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife.

And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either. The only reason that a man will get married after that long of a time is because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's definitely what he was doing all of those years.
So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those "long term" relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you're missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like "Oh he's waiting til he gets a better job" or "he's waiting to finish school" or "he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house". DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED. Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fiancee by your side?
So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "ex" that you are in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "boyfriend". And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years long and you still have no commitment.
Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there and I know that we can come up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but.....DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED. Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion...

It is still best to wait for the one we want rather than settle for the one that is available. It is still best to wait for the one you love than settle for the one who is around. It is still best to wait for the right person. Because life is too short to waste on the wrong one.

Re: [upgeclub] pakiusap lang

And now, Ma Ann's delayed reaction...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Ma-ann E. Arquiza
Date: Sun, 8 Aug 2004 11:13:04 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Re: [upgeclub] pakiusap lang

i was cleaning my inbox and i guess this e-mail fell through the cracks bec. i just got to read it now. so sorry kung sobrang delayed na 'tong reaction ko to what paolo wrote, but i wanted to comment anyway. and my comment is:

I AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you! finally, someone spoke up! thanks Paolo. good to know I'm not the only one who is irritated with people who don't bother to spell out their words or can't spell correctly anymore. if anything, for me it's out of respect for my readers. if i can take the extra effort to make myself more readable then why not, my readers are worth the extra effort. also sa mga mumi-me, (i.e. hr n me, wr n u?; d2 n me; slp n me;) PLEASE LANG! as Paolo rightly pointed out, it's not cute. it's so jologs.

also, given that phones are getting more and more advanced these days, try turning the Dictionary feature on. it's easy when you get the hang of it and it'll keep your spelling and grammar skills from deteriorating. it's important to have that discipline esp. when you step into the corporate world.


Note: Check previous July posts or click on the title link of this entry

Mahal Mo Ba Siya Talaga?

Message: Para sa mga taong nanliligaw, nagbabalak manligaw, nililigawan, naliligaw, nag-iintay maligawan at nagbabalak lumagay sa magulo...


Ang LOVE ay hindi minamadali...hindi pinipilit..
at lalong hindi kina-career...aray ko!


Unang-una...

PAANO MO BA NASABING MAHAL MO NA SIYA???...

Dahil ba natutuwa ka sa kanya???...
o kaya naman naaaliw ka???...
naswee-sweetan ka ba ng sobra sa kanya???...
kinikilig ka ba pag nakikita mo siya???...
at nahi-high kapag naririnig mo na ang boses niya???...

Eh teka muna...
baka naman infatuated ka lang....
o kaya naman kagaya nga ng sagot mo...
Baka naaaliw ka lang...dahil kakaiba siya...
may spark na hindi mo maintindihan...

tsk!!!...ang saklap nyan!...

Pangalawa...

GAANO MO NA BA SIYA KAKILALA???...

Madali ba siyang mapikon???...
pano ba siya mabadtrip???...
madali bang mahalata na may topak siya???...
ano bang suot niya pag nasa bahay siya???...
shorts ba o pantalon???...
nakasando ba siya o naka-t-shirt lang???...
matagal ba siyang maligo???....
kumakain ba siya ng vegetables???...
tamad ba siya???...
mas gusto ba niyang manood ng tv kaysa magbasa ng libro???...
nagpe-play station ba siya???...
tatlo ba ang pamangkin niyang lalaki???...
makukulit ba yung mga kamag-anak niya???...
green ba ang kulay ng gate ng bahay nila???...
sa village ba siya nakatira???...
may sakayan ba ng jeep na malapit sa kanila???...
nagsisimba ba siya linggo-linggo???...
kasama ba yung pamilya niya???...
at nagdadasal ba siya bago matulog???...

In short...
alam mo na nga ba???...ang mga bagay-bagay...
ang mga simpleng bagay tungkol sa kanya...
na nagdedetermine ng sarili niya...
as in kung sino ba talaga SIYA...

Pangatlo...

KAYA MO BA SIYANG TANGGAPIN???...

as in TANGGAPIN ng buong-buo...

sa lahat ng trip niya sa buhay...
sa lahat ng katopakan niya...
sa lahat ng pag-iinarte at pag-dadrama niya...
sa lahat ng kasalanang nagawa, ginawa, at
gagawin pa lang niya...
sa lahat ng naiisip niya... sa lahat ng sasabihin niya... sa kilos niya..
sa pananamit pa pala niya... sa pagsasalita...
sa pananaw niya sa buhay...
sa pagtrato niya sa tao...
sa lifestyle niya...
sa uri ng pamilyang meron siya...
sa uri ng kaibigang kasa-kasama niya...
sa style niya pagdating sa love...
sa kasweetan niyang natural...
sa paglalambing niya...
sa tawa niyang pagkalakas-lakas...
sa manners niya...
sa bisyo niya kung meron man...
sa mga pang-aasar niya sayo...
sa style niya pagdating sa pagsolve ng problema...
sa problemang maaari ka ring masama...

Pang-apat...

KAYA MO BANG MAGING TOTOO???...

kaya mo bang makita yung sarili mo...
na kasama pa rin siya ha...
sa isang sitwasyong pag naisip mo eh...
mapapaiyak ka na lang sa sakit...
nang dahil din sa kanya???...

kaya mo bang magmukhang tanga...
as in umiyak ng dahil sa kababawan...
ibuhos ang mga nararamdaman mo...
kahit na puro kababawan nga lang naman...
as in kahit sa harapan niya???...

kaya mo bang maging barubal pag kasama mo siya???...
yung tipo bang wala ka ng pakielam...
mawala man ang manners mo...
na wala ka naman talaga...

In short...

KAYA MO BANG MAGING IKAW KAPAG KASAMA MO NA SIYA???...

yung tipong hindi ka nahihiyang ipakita kung sino ka talaga...

dahil alam mong...

HINDI MO LANG SIYA TANGGAP...

TANGGAP KA RIN NIYA...

BUONG-BUO RIN...

MGA PEOPLE!!!...
tama na kasi ang trip...
tama na ang pagmamadali...
Oo, masarap ngang ma-involve sa isang tao...
pero di ba mas masarap yun...

LALO NA KUNG ALAM MONG TOTOO YUNG NARARAMDAMAN MO....

kaya dapat, hinde tayo nagpapa-bulag sa akala nating LOVE....
mag antay na lang tayo....
wag natin unahan....

For all we know, nde pa pala cya ang para sa atin......

Pero pag nasagot mo lahat ng nasa taas....
Baka nga... MAHAL mo na siya!