Chuck Norris and the Power Rangers

Chuck Norris once gave a box of watches to some kids. They are now known as the Power Rangers.

What does your sleeping position say about you?

Interesting infographic. My position isn't here. Maybe it's a combination of positions...
Find more amazing infographics on NerdGraph Infographics

Tito Sotto Scandal

Found this on Facebook, on Kuya Kurt's wall:

Hey Sotto! You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, COPY PASTE!! Hahahahahahaha!!!

What Did You Eat?

Funny moment with a student...


Me: What did you this weekend?
Student: I went to restaurant.
Me: What did you do at the restaurant?
Student: I do ate at restaurant.
Me: No, which verb should you use?
Student: Chopsticks
Me: Hahahaha... Ok, you should say I ate at the restaurant.
Student: I ate at the restaurant.
Me: What did you eat?
Student: I ate pig.

Poor pig...

Please Give Me Cock

Please give her cock. She needs it badly. She kept saying cock for almost an hour, I think.

Eeewwwww

This kid will be scarred for life. Sorry kid, that's how you'll look like when you get to that age....

kontraband.com

Fifty Shades of Grey - Audiobook Version

Why read Fifty Shades of Grey when you can listen to someone reading it to you? There is more emotion in the spoken word.

Here is Gilbert Gottfried Reads Fifty Shades of Grey

Outsourcing Jobs

This is a very old video, I found it only recently.

I didn't realize this idea was true until a few weeks ago. I know someone who accepts outsourcing jobs and passes them on to someone (he outsources too). It is somewhat strangely funny.









Saw this pin on a friend's board. She happens to be a freelancer too. I asked her how it's possible to work 4 hours a week and still be rich, she said he outsources.

Source: amazon.com via syao on Pinterest

Enough said.

Please READ

When I was growing up my mother had her way of making me do or look for things. When I ask here where something is, she would tell me to look for it. After looking for 1 minute, I'd go back to her and ask her where it is, she would say, "Use your eyes, not your mouth for look." She did it a few times with me and I learned my lesson.

This has been my belief. I would try to figure out things first before asking for help. If I feel I have been given the tools and the skills and the resources, why not look for the solution to the problem, right?

Of course, it it's something I really don't know, I ask for help.

I noticed a lot of people who don't seem to know how to follow instructions or don't know how to read. I've posted a few want ads online and there's always someone who will ask me what to do when the instructions are shown clearly in my ads.

Example:


We are looking for workers, blah, blah, blah.
Requirements are la d ida...
If interested, send me a message through my Skype ID [[ my ID]] or send me an e-mail [[ my email address]].

I would get a comment like this:

Hi I'm interested. I have worked as blah blah and I have la di da. My Skype ID is [[something]]. 


Come on! Didn't I give my contact info? Do you expect me to contact you when there are others who have already submitted their requirements?

And there are those who, for some reason, need to be told what to do. I posted the link to my blog where the ad was posted. This is on Facebook. The content of the post didn't show on Facebook, just the link to the blog plus the heading Someone is looking for workers...

Someone posted a comment, "How do I apply?" I think it's pretty obvious that the natural thing to do is to follow the link.

Sigh...

Reminds me of this cartoon from Johnny Wander:

What Do People Do When They Find a Paperclip

Useless trivia this one.

Am I Still a Virgin??

A young chatmate asked me if a guy is still a virgin if someone has sucked his cock even if he hasn't had sex yet. He's a certified virgin and based on his stories, he would like to remain a virgin till he meets the right girl for him.

I've never really thought about this since girl ako.

Can someone help me with this?

My Mouth

Thepenisinmymouth...

Top Scots politician quits after describing 'attractive girl'

I don't find McAveety's comments racist, maybe lewd, sleazy and sexist but not racist. Just because he described a slim, dusky girl having a Filipina look, doesn't make his remark racist. He was just expressing his "type". It's just his luck that his microphone was on and the camera as still on him when he expressed his lewd thoughts. I think a lot of men have worse thoughts and desires but their thoughts and expressions were not caught on cam or heard over the microphone.

If there's someone who should be upset, it should be his wife.

As well as falling foul of Labour bosses, 47-year-old McAveety is likely to be in hot water with his wife Anita. Mrs McAveety, a blonde and fair-skinned primary school teacher, was at home yesterday afternoon. Speaking from the door of the family's modern semi-detached house in North Glasgow, the mother-of-two seemed upset. But, when asked about her husband's comments, she said: 'I have nothing to say.' 

- Mail Online

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1287302/MSP-Frank-McAveety-forced-resign-dark-dusky-woman-comments.html#ixzz0rNzpGbzB

Nevertheless, he did right by quitting.

Smallest Penis Contest

A friend posted the video on Facebook. It made me laugh hard. I had to look for more information about this contest. It seems the contest started 2007 by Howard Stern. The guys in the video kept mentioning Howard's penis and he in turn kept saying he felt good about his size after seeing all those small penises.


Here is the video I saw on FB:





Smallest Dick Contest - Watch more Funny Videos


Here's the 1st contest:







Smallest cock contest.

Fail!

Found this on Senor Gif.

Ara Mina for Baranggay Tanod!

Ara Mina on IMO. Mo just exposed her. Scandalous!

Did He Say "Don't You Love My Cock"???

Touch my body (TUTS MY BARREH) Korean version. Can't get enough of this guy!

May Gatas Pa Sa Labia?

A friend posted this pic on Facebook. She put the caption "may panis na Magnulia melk pa sa labi" (spoiled milk on the lips) pero ang basa ko labia instead of labi. Hehehe.

From Carmela

Sent by Carmela again. She's really busy these days.


1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey´re yachts."
Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor´s office.
Doc: "Bottlefed?"
Woman: "Brea - stfed po."
(Doctors squeezes woman´s breasts repeatedly)
Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
"Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: "Ma´am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

6. Yaya: "Huhuhu..."
Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?"
Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako..."
Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
(Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
She answered: "Secret!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
"Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
Mom: "It´s up to you."
(During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, `kitsup tuyo´!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

12. Our neighbor´s yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
SIR: "Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
INDAY: "Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin...kapkeyk..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, `concentrate´..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

18. Neighbor´s yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs:
"Down to earth! Down to earth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
"Ma´am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya´s son.
So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun.

Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
"Parang Watson´s yata..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: "Yaya..."
Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!"
Kuya: "Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!"
Yaya: "Si Koya naman...nagsa-suggest lang..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
"Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
"Ma´am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit...promise!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

28. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

29. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

30. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
(ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

March 15 was Penis Day in Japan

My dear friend, Carmela, sent me the e-mail below. I saw a movie in the late 80's called Shocking Asia that featured this thing. Talk about phallic worship -- literally! Aliw!


How could we have missed it? March 15 was Penis Day in Japan . Here are the photos. The actual festival is called Honen Matsuri. Celebrated every March 15 in Komaki, a town about 45 minutes north of Nagoya , Japan , this is the time of year where folks haul out a large wooden penis to give three cheers to fertility and renewal. The custom is an old one that is connected to bringing about a good harvest and having babies.

BELATED HAPPY PENIS DAY TO ALL OF YOU